I've Got All This Ringing in my Ears But None on my Fingers
by Stephane Richer
Summary: Do you remember the way I held your hand under the lamppost and ran


I've Got All This Ringing in my Ears and None on my Fingers

Disclaimer: I don't own Fall Out Boy's "I've Got All This Ringing in my Ears and None on my Fingers" or Tatadoshi Fujimaki's _Kuroko no Basuke_.

Author's Note: Eheheh Akashi is really hard to write. I feel like I wrote him too cutesy so please let me know if I did.

* * *

Sleepy violet eyes peer out from half-closed lids, and Atsushi yawns, left arm twitching but not rising. It's odd, the way he twitches like that and checks himself, self-conscious even of stretching. "I wonder what it's like, being you?" You murmur to the sleepy boy beside you. Atsushi's eyes open a fraction more, ever-so-slightly.

It's hard when you're noticed, whatever you do, even if you're trying hard, no, trying desperately to not be seen. Even when everyone else around you is taller-than-average, you still stick out; you're still so awkward. You have to crouch and bend and slump and contort yourself in planes, trains, elevators. You have no spatial awareness because you're growing so rapidly. Something's at your head one day, a month later it's at your shoulder and a month after that it's at your waist. You find yourself stretching needlessly, reaching when you don't even need to extend your limbs fully. You can't fit on your bed; your arms and legs hang off even when you curl up. You can't stretch even though you're used to it; you'll hit the ceiling and jam your finger, fuck up your wrist again, bang your head on the doorframe. You're not comfortable in your own skin; you have no self-image. Every time you look in the mirror you see someone different, bigger, proportioned differently. Other people gripe about how tall they are but they're still ten, twenty centimeters shorter so what the fuck do they know? It makes you want to strike them across the face but you're way too strong to do that and get away with it. You overpower everyone without trying and it's frustrating. It's always easier to give 100% than to purposefully hold back, and that's why you hate those who have to try, because trying is easy. The results are out of your control. But self-imposed limits, tightly controlling how high you jump, how fast your hand comes up, are just too hard. You're on a level all your own. It's truly lonely at the top. Even Aomine can just stop trying and be okay with that, but you have to try to be just great, instead of an incredible phenomenon.

And that is the curse, the insanity of being Murasakibara Atsushi.

Of course, he says none of this, thinks none of this even, just closes his eyes again and lets you see inside his mind, and lets you articulate these thoughts and feelings for him. Doing it for himself would be too hard.

Perhaps because your dominant personality is more fitting to Atsushi's imposing body…well, no, that's not quite right. It would be foolish for him to think that way. After all, you can perform just as well at basketball without the extra quarter-meter on his height. And everyone's got their own burdens.

You two probably wouldn't have met had Atsushi been of normal, or even slightly above-average, height. He'd have had something else (competitive eating, perhaps?) to occupy himself with, and you would have been forced to complete the Generation of Miracles a different way. You do not doubt that you could have, and you certainly loved (still love) the thrill of a challenge. But still, there was something about the purple-haired young man that perfected the picture.

"Atsushi, wake up."

"Hm?" He raises his head.

So even in his sleep, he obeys. Naturally. "Nothing."

"You're cute, Aka-chin." He places a kiss on your forehead.

"Idiot."

Atsushi's arms, previously clenched with his hands in fists by his side, come up to encircle you. You attempt to glare, but it doesn't work when he isn't looking. You can't wriggle free; Atsushi's incredible strength is too much even for the emperor sometimes.

Plus, it's all for show. You don't really want to be let go.

* * *

"Aka-chin is like cake."

Really? Is this the appropriate time? You're meeting to discuss the upcoming season, and instead of greeting you normally he places a hand on your head (does he think it's a basketball or something?) and compares you to food. You suppose you'll let it go, for now. After all, this is high praise in Atsushi-language.

Shintarou stifles a giggle behind a cough (good boy, although he still makes a certain vein in your forehead twitch), Daiki wiggles his eyebrows (he'll pay for that later), and Tetsuya and Ryouta pretend to be oblivious.

"Atsushi, remove your hand." He obeys. You place a schedule in the newly-freed hand. "These are the games you're allowed to play in."

He sits down beside you and lets go of the lollipop in his mouth. Now that that hand isn't holding anything, he places it on yours casually. It's a damn good thing you're at a café, because if anyone could see…well…

* * *

"So, Atsushi, how am I like cake?"

"Eh?" He removes his hand from your tie, which he's been fussing with ever since you two got back to your place. He obviously wants to take it off, but he still doesn't know how. "Aka-chin is cake." He pokes your cheek.

You flinch; you weren't expecting that.

"Soft." He leans down and licks the spot he poked. "Sweet." He straightens back up and begins to fiddle with your tie again.

That's probably the most you're going to get out of him.

He looks into your eyes pleadingly. "I can't untie it…"

You did tie it in a Pratt knot instead of a half-Windsor today, after all. Sighing, you undo the knot and carefully place the tie on the coffee table in front of you. Almost immediately, he brightens up. How predictable.

"Don't take as long on my buttons, Atsushi."


End file.
